How do you know that it’s a CELEBRITY divorce announcement? Take a look:
“Rock legend Sir Paul McCartney and his wife Heather Mills McCartney have split after nearly four of years of marriage.”
So which words tipped you off that this sad news of marital demise involves famous people? “Rock legend,” perhaps? Or maybe the names of the concerned parties?
Wrong.
It’s the word “nearly.” Read the announcement carefully. Anytime the word “nearly” is used in conjunction with the words “four years of marriage,” it’s a dead giveaway: this is a celebrity divorce.
One might presume that “barely,” “not quite” or “just” might be more appropriate, but since by Hollywood standards four years qualifies as a Silver Anniversary, the editors let it slide.
The kicker: Sir Paul and Mrs. Paul (not the fish sticks lady) claim that “media intrusion” was one of the reasons they are divorcing. I can’t even comment on this one.
And of course, Britney Spears is now expecting her second ward-of-the-State – I mean, child. Sorry about that slip.
I have observed that there are some parents in Hollywood – I hope they are the exception – who seem to view their kids chiefly as photo opps, trotting them out on appropriate occasions, snapping a few pix to make the star look “parental” and then shooing the tykes back into the house with the nanny.
It seems Britney got her wires crossed a bit. While her current newborn succeeded in garnering some media attention, photo opps of her driving with him unrestrained and/or questionably restrained, and rushing him to the emergency room probably weren’t what her publicist had in mind.
One can only hope that these incidents are not representative of Britney’s mothering skills – we all have a parenting flub now and then. Still, I have to wonder if Britney thought that hastening into back-to-back pregnancies might somehow distract all the negative attention. Not sure about the reasoning on that one….
In the interim, I suppose I will just add little Sean Preston Spears Federline and his sibling-to-be to the list below and hope for the best.
Top Five Most Anticipated Tell-All Books by Celebrity Children
#5 “Nambia on $20 a Day” by Maddox, Zahara & Baby Jolie-Pitt
#4 “The Unkindest Cut of All” by Sydney & Justin Brown-Simpson
#3 “Crash” by Sean Preston Spears Federline & Sibling-to-be
#2 “Bahrain on 20 Street Urchins a Day” by Paris, Blanket & Prince Michael Jackson
#1 “Use of Paxil in the Treatment of Adults with Paranoid Delusions of Extraterrestrial Origins” by Dr. Suri Cruise, MD, Chief of Psychiatric Medicine, Cedars-Sinai Medical Center
"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind that I will never die." ~ Bill Watterson
