As always, there's a story.

When I was middle-school age, I spent my first whole week away from home at New Life Ranch. Probably realizing that I might get homesick, I asked my sister and brothers to write me while I was at camp.

Fool that I was.

Oh course, instead of the loving, hand-written epistles I'd hoped to receive, I got...a collage. The sort of twisted, sarcastic, acerbic, witty creation that belongs in Mad Magazine.

To be honest, I was a wee bit upset that my dear siblings twitted me when I was — sniff! sniff! — homesick. Thank God they did.

From then on, every time I went away from home for any extended period, including both summers I spent in Florida, I received a similar collage.

I'm pretty sure that this one is not the original. By the date (1996), it can't be. But it is the earliest, I think, of the three that I found. Hopefully, I'll unearth the missing collages someday and share them with you, too.

Labels: collage, nostalgia

Yes, it's finally upon me.

Age 30.

I'm trying to handle this with grace, but to be honest, it's a mental hurdle like I hadn't anticipated.

Turning thirty has wreaked the same havoc in my mind as the Mini Van Block (that childish resistance to buying an ever-so-practical minivan because it might make me look older than I want to appear).

So I'm struggling a bit.

My friend Erin was kind enough to send me this collage, citing women over 30 who are still hot. Thank you, dear friend! I needed it.

But pondering the likes of Kate Winslet, Eva Mendes and Reese Witherspoon got me thinking along other lines. Namely: Are there women under 30 who look worse that I do?

Thankfully, yes.

Seeing as I'm much cattier than Erin -- and it is my birthday -- I thought I'd indulge in the time-honored pastime of insulting other people to make myself feel better. I lettered in this sport, so rest easy, you're with a professional.

[Keep in mind, I didn't take the easy route and survey your average bingo parlor. I didn't even troll the waters of the local university-level Women's Studies department. These are "famous" women who've somehow or other made a name for themselves.]

First up in the Women Younger And Uglier Than Me category:


Chelsea Clinton


This is a product of simple math.

habitually-dishonest and debauched politician + embittered feminist attorney/activist = homely daughter with Stanford education

Labels: collage