I'm working on a screenplay that got me thinking about the cliches of the modern spy film (James Bond films, Bourne Identity series, etc.). I won't go into what my screenplay is about, but what I'm trying to do is play against those conventions.

Here is a partial list:

1. Weak females who always have to be rescued and usually get killed. Not that they're ever interesting enough to make us miss them much.

2. Hero never seems to age or get tired. Just once, I want 007 to be too tired: "Not tonight, Pussy. Henchman #8 really kicked my ass . . ."

3. Hero has inexhaustible knowledge and consummate skills in...everything. Wine, weaponry, gambling, languages. You name it, he's an expert.

4. Villains are always over-the-top freaks. Nobody normal seems to gravitate to the world domination field anymore. Maybe we need a quota system.

5. Villains are especially creative when it comes to torture or execution. Apparently the villains have heeded U.S. gun restrictions better than most criminals because you'll never see them actually bust a cap in the hero.

6. Villains are always happy to explain the "whys" and "hows" of their evil plan. I guess even bad guys like to a little recognition now and then.