Instead, allow me to propose The Andrea Yates Prize for Parenting.
Much like Nobel Laureates, Yates Prize recipients are recognized for extraordinary achievements in their field of specialty, in this case: the soul-less and inhuman mistreatment of their own children.
I won't review the criteria for becoming a recipient, but just in case some raving lunatic out there decides this is an award worth aspiring to, I will mention what our esteemed honorees may win.
While Nobel recipients get a fat purse of 10 million Kroner, Yates Prize winners are entitled to a fair trial by a jury of their peers, a life sentence at the nearest maximum-security, "pound-me-in-the-ass prison," and -- that's right, folks -- an eternity of fiery torment on an all-expenses-paid trip straight to Hell.
(Granted, some past recipients of the Yates Prize have managed to avoid acceptance of their award, but despite the vagaries of our justice system, I believe that last prize is meted out by a more reliable Judge.)
As far as nominees for the Yates Prize, today's news supplied two:
Shoplifter Abandons Baby at Walmart
Women Gives Birth in McDonald's Restroom, Tries to Flush Baby Down Toilet
Unbelievable. Consider yourselves nominated, scumbags.
"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I'm so far behind that I will never die." ~ Bill Watterson
